Saturday, January 2, 2016

Snake Medicine

She's leaving early and going to bed
I'm hanging around for whatever's left
I'm white trash in an abusive relationship
I'm destroying what was never good to begin

I'm going with almost anyone who asks
Until I'm afraid of mirrors;
It's just parodies of futures
It's a cartoonish morphing creature
It's someone on the internet
who says I need a better partner

with thick black frames 
and bottles of lager
He plays Square Pusher
and cartoons from the nineteen hundreds

I don't think he even likes me but,
He turns the lights off
and he ties me
He turns the lights off
and he washed me
He turns the lights off
and he asked me,
When will I see you again?

But half the fun
was the destruction
The guts of a girl who'd rather be dead

Afraid of,
bad allies and false revolution
Excluded
for being smart and assertive.
Burning
for taking it personal
Pining 
to be and not to be
a victim

I didn't make out on parked buses
in bass bumped warehouses.
I didn't drink under bridges
and perform seances

I didn't share a bath
with a girl who painted cosmos
I didn't take a bike ride
or travel to the mountains

I didn't take my shirt off
and run as I fast as I could
for exactly 30 seconds

The part of me that wanted 
to die
was already dead.
Thrown out

and burned up in the crash
When you go back to the spot
you can hear me laugh

I aborted the kid
I forgot the missing limb
I walked inside a fire
where my shadow died
so I could live

I moved to Minneapolis
I lived out of my back pack
I made it as an artist
I hitchhiked with a trucker

I danced til sun up at a rager
I saw turkeys in the mornin
I spent 5 days with a skater
in a hammock in the forest

I took the empire builder 
home for Christmas
talked train routes with the conductor
and I spent three days in my bed
just trying to remember what she said;

I could do anything I wanted

There's nothing to fear

When you're already dead

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