Pilgrimage

Pilgrimage

I've walked a dozen bridges

over Atlantic rivers

and all I can do

is pray it made a difference
and the energy in my cells

have finally made it through to my skin

once again, a semi-permeable surface

The bodies don't just pass through it

but in and out and in again

always open to take a chance

always hoping to live on the edge

not struggling to connect

Before I'd hear the noise come out

and when they ask me if I'm alright

I'm not sure how to act

this was always mostly,
just for their benefit

He said I'm pretty ballsy

and I fought off a wince

having never considered this to be one of my qualities

maybe fearless but still a coward

Never willing to wait

to feel both satisfied and safe

I need to recreate myself

once again soft and tender

I'll build home in their faces;

The purest of truths

is just a feeling of presence

I'll remember the feel of the bodies

and the series of events;

a pinch, a kiss, a pat on the head

A half-hearted hug

To tell himself

it's just see you later

and not good bye

Then a wave and a sigh

and a train getting quiet

but it was alright

because I had burned the impression

in my mind

from the last night

I clung firmly to the hard lines

and brought the noises to my ear

like this was the last time

we'd ever hear release

And I released my fears

and inhibitions

out the window on the 4^th floor

Blown half across the sea

and not waiting for me

in the corners

in the shadows

in the dusty light bulbs

of my room back home

I let it go.

I may be simmering
 in afterglow

But I can see clearly

and I am ready to grow.