In Distorted Mirrors

I try to flatten out my stomach
in the reflection on the tub faucet
but that fish eye steel
only exacerbates the dark line
cutting me in half

I lie there in the stream
pointing out my flaws

A crease halfway down my forearm
on just the right side
Scars on my legs;
some accidental,
some consensual,
some self-inflicted
Little stretch marks on my tits
that wrinkle when pinched
The meeting of my thighs
bend and swell like a river,
and my face is its' pebbles

I tell myself in my ego deaths,
(you know, when my body becomes feeling-less)
that they still like me
they still want me


I got up and modeled my outfit
after he asked me to
He filled my view with the vastness of irises
in big, bright lashes
all pale and pink and blindingly white
Water glistening under fluorescent lights
 turning my eyes scratched red
and diluted blue
(he said it was cute)
then he let me come to bed
cleaned up and new


But now, I'm just looking for an excuse
,in my misshaped lines and bulges,
to let no one love me
to keep them all only in my reflections
While I practice my vulnerabilities
in secret and in small doses
with punks just passing through;
kind, unforgettable, and always leaving in the morning
No one could stay true.