Psyche Approaches

I had a somewhat peaceful realization yesterday that maybe cognitive therapy has a more effective theory behind it than I thought. Due to my serious childhood codependence problems I agonize now over expressing myself and relating to others healthily but I get this weird sensation from being so aware of myself. Aside from picking myself apart til I can't see I also start to sense this impulse to do bad or exciting things or just present myself with the opportunity to do things I may regret simply to spite the fact that I seem to have it all figured out.
And as I am doing all of the right things I am constantly recognizing the urges to be an attention whore, or be needy, or be weak, or to give in to some sort of out. You know the way people use relationships as an out of having to be totally responsible for their own happieness? But I am realizing that I am not acting on these impulses.... I thought for a long time that I would be impossibly unhealthy forever because I couldn't pathom these urges simply being gone. But maybe that don't need to be gone... perhaps recognizing my id and it's primitive destructive instincts, changing my thought behavior and how that is expressed in actions is all I need.
The unfortunate thing about this is that I will always be crazy inside. I will always have these urges... and the more I do the right things the more my id screams for chaos!
This is the main life mystery I am exploring now... how chaos factors into my spectrum of human needs and how to best let it see light... hopefully writing and over analyzing will keep it fed for now.