About a Boy

The last time I saw him he was drunk off his ass
and his front teeth looked just perfect in his carefree smile
even though he couldn't stand

I watched him walk away in my purple dress
the same one I wore the first time we met
in the same bar, Two Many Banjos happened to be playing
and I couldn't make a better impression than when I'm dancing

He touched the small of my back just so
and twirled me til I was spun out

We took bumps from a bottle of Jim
and watched 'it's always sunny'
til the laptop was on its' side
and Hulu was just playing clips

He took his time; slow hands
He made me squeak before we reached my collarbone
completely involuntarily
He used to take deep breathes off my skin
like he got high off it

I think it'd been a while since he had a woman
except he made me feel like a little girl;
pocket sized even;
and in an effort to appear more grown than I am;

I held back my impulses behind
small dead pan admissions and clenched teeth,
they kept my lips pursed;
too coy for a kiss goodbye
stuck hiding my surrender, my contentment

His fingers were firmly calloused
we were going to use them to make music together
and they were grainy dragging over the polyester tights
stretched across my thigh
holding me in
keeping me warm

He constantly tempted me with lose of control
But I kept my mouth closed and my sighs low
and tried to take it like I'd done this before
like I had it all figured out
Like I could just sway with a beer,
lay on his couch
wriggle under his thumb
and still never feel a thing

He was content with heavy inhales
and touching the tip of my nose
and I pretended and acted like a good little girl
til I couldn't anymore
til it felt so good I couldn't absorb it

I thought I wouldn't look back
but instead I couldn't forget;
the texture of the fingers,
the smell of wood interior
the morning pyramid cigarette
the happy silences,
his perfect smile,
and sun-weathered freckles
...
The aching in my neck
because I can't stop looking back.